Back From the Living Dead

(The real zombie apocolypse!)

It was the cold and snowy December of '90. I remember so vividly the brilliance, the beauty, the fascination of that glistening snow. It remains to this day one of my most dangerous triggers, and yet still to me, one of Natures most beautiful Creations. However, I get ahead of myself, get used to that; I do tend to "ramble round the hedges", as they say.

I remember it so vividly, because it was the first time a needle was stuck in my arm. This was done by a man most of you would describe as evil, but I know now he was simply damaged.

In that instant of blossoming blood and alchemical ritual, I found a greater, more potent, more dangerous and less rational me.

The drug in the barrel of that particular hypodermic was amphetamine, and I must make clear that absolutely no coercion was involved. I wanted that needle to penetrate me. I wanted to know what it was like, how it would feel, what it would do.

I possessed, and still do, a natural curiosity about life.

For the best part of a decade I then went on to explore the levels of desperation and exictement that a lifestyle of speed abuse can take a man of my limited capacities to. This experience was extraordinary, and yet extremely damaging to my already fragile psycho-spiritual self, my ego if you prefer. Persistent though my love affair with speed was however, it eventually gave way to the bigger player in the playground; heroin.

My fight with this addiction isn't over yet, and probably never will be, but at least now I am physiologically free of the habit.......

..........and I suppose that the main reason I am picking this blog up again now is the same as when I started it. To offer some hope.

Hope to anyone out there who is fighting addiction, suffering addiction, or feels they are losing, or has lost, a loved one to addiction.

Hope also to me, that I won't screw it up again this time.

Because I am fighting for my life.

I know what you are thinking, tall talk for a burnt out waster like me, but please stick with me, and in the long haul, we shall see if I make any sense or not.

Together let's explore the honest truth, let us not fear Breaking the Taboo, let us not fear anything at all!

Love, Courage and Strength, to you all.

Alan