Back from the Living Dead...continued

I have been "clean" of opiate/opioid influences for exactly one week now.

I cannot say it feels that great just now. In fact, it has been a week of torture, and It's not quite over yet.

If and when I do manage an hour or two of sleep, I always awaken shivering, sweating, with that inner cold that no amount of clothing, or central heating can thaw.

And of course cravings.

Oh, the cravings!

The last time I managed to achieve this level of recovery was over the Christmas of 2008.

That time I lasted about a month, before I relapsed and went straight back down the same hole again.

About two months after that my girlfriend at the time found me as good as dead in her bath. My injecting "kit" all strewn across the bathroom floor, as I sank beneath the waters of both bath and consciousness....a story already told elsewhere....

I could cite all kinds of reasons and excuses and blame for that happening at that time and in that place ,which was the town of Winchester ( which officially doesn't have a drug, or homelessness problem. A beautiful place full of history and mystery. Go take a visit, and have a good look around you if you want to check out the veracity of that little piece of Officialdom). However, it boiled down, in the end, to a simple case of what mattered more to me; the path of least resistance, or the narrow road. The road to salvation.

.....And this is the point I want to make today about recovering from addictions; It is not an easy thing for anyone to do. It has little to do with "morality" (whatever that is), or upbringing, or environmental factors. Yes, of course, these things all play their part, but in the end the effort required to win a fight like the one I am currently engaged in is going to take all that you possess within yourself, whoever you think you are.

Chances are it may also take you a few goes at it. They key to success, as it is in anything you endeavour, is....

.....DO NOT GIVE IN!

You have to keep getting up off the canvas, no matter how dented or bruised your pride my feel, no matter if the crowd wants to see you lose, braying and shouting out for your defeat to happen before their cynical, and judgemental eyes. No matter even if your loved ones have walked from the arena in disgust at the pitiful and shameful impotence of your efforts so far....

Because, although making some kind of amends to those you have hurt is part of the process of true recovery, that has to come later.

This isn't their fight, not really (though they may well feel the blows you suffer, as well as the ones you inflict on them) no mate. This is your fight, you have to knock this big ugly bastard in front of you into submission by fighting it with all you've got, and for all you are worth; and the will to carry on fighting, no matter how hard it gets, or how much it hurts, or what supporters you do, or do not, have, has to come from within you.

Where can you get the strength to keep going from?

Ah, well that is where things get very, shall we say....subjective?

I have this much Gnosis.

When the human mind has reached the end of it's own resources, but not the end of it's will to keep fighting evil, then all that is left is to reach outwards for that Conscious Other, and ask for help.

If you do this, with Authenticity and Honesty, then the Conscious Other will respond.

Personally, I don't think it matters all that much What or Who you call IT, or in what framework of reference you choose to try to understand IT.

What matters is that you call IT!

Love, Courage & Strength to you all.

Alan