Back from the Living Dead....

(Progeny; Legacy; Love)

It was back in the autumn of 2010 that I sold my birthright to pro-create for a few quid.

Obviously I was desperate to satisfy my addiction at the time...

...no not my opiate addiction as that was well and truly under control at that time (yes that’s right; I had an opiate addiction that was under control. Such things are possible whatever the Red Tops want you to believe!) No, I am talking about the physical and psychological dependence we all share, money dependence.

The BBC did an “Inside Out” about it. The Daily Mail did an exclusive. There was a report in my local Leicester Mercury. (Yes, for those that do not know it, I am that Alan Mitchell.)

The comments and assumptions I have encountered folk making about me as a result of that unique experience have been somewhat stupefying at times, highlighting everything that is wrong with our education system; from the bizarre assumption that to have a vasectomy prevents you from having a sex life, all the way through to the notion from somewhere that I have actually been castrated, chemically or otherwise!?

Let me assure you all that none of the above is true or in any way correct!

Then of course there are the countless folk who, very much like myself, seem to enjoy being “online know it alls”, or “keyboard warriors”, and who have made some funny, some laughably ignorant, and one or two very thought provoking comments on this or that forum or website.

The only notion that I continually come up against that actually offends me on any level is the notion that I am unable to relate to the love of a parent because I will never be one. How absurd!

Of course I can relate; after all, I am blessed enough to still have on this Earth two very loving and very consistent parents, and a loving family, who have stood by me through some very bleak times indeed. I have also many long term friends who have been guiding lights in my life and clear examples of parental love. I have loved and been loved by many women, and a few guys. In short, I know what love is, and what it isn’t, as well as anyone.

I wish it were so for everyone in this world, sadly it is not.

But then does it not say somewhere in ancient texts that, “...It takes the whole village to raise a child...”?

I understand well enough the desire and the need to leave a legacy for the future. I understand well enough the desire and need to nurture and protect those you love. I understand well enough that we are responsible; you and I, here and now, parent or non-parent alike, for the future quality of life for every generation that is to walk this Globe after ours has left it.

I have not always understood, or even accepted the truth of, these statements. However, I do so now.

So no, I do not believe we can afford to leave it up to the so called governments (or rulers as the case may be) of the nations to ensure that we gift our collective progeny with a legacy of love.

I do not expect big businesses or foundations to actually give a damn. They always have their own agendas, and I can speak with certainty when I say that they are certainly not thinking about the inviolate nature of your life or that of your kids, or their kids either!

I do not think for a second that guns and bombs and ever bigger and more destructive weapons or efficient armies will achieve it.

You are a fool if you do.

I will never surrender to the notion that any race or tribe of people has more right to the future than any other; that is called Fascism, and it is evil incarnate.

Neither am I so naive as to assume that the answers are all down to “the economy”.

(The only economy I can ever see empowering Us All to dig ourselves out of our collective holes is one that has rejected the whole notion of “currency” and “ownership” as an anachronism. It is very much time we woke up from these dreams, however pleasant and sedative they may be for some whilst being nightmarish for others)!

No friend, do not look to “them” for the solutions because “they” are even less clued in to “reality” than you or me! They are entities that have lost their human hearts for the most part, and have become psychologically enslaved to an illusionary existence where power and control matter more than life, quality of life or even Love Itself. The ego on some of these creatures is astounding and makes my narcissism pale into insignificance. Of course many of these institutions and individuals I am referring to (I am not going to try and name them as they know full well who they are) would concur that I am insignificant; as are you, as is every “peasant” or “non-elect” individual out there!

I feel it my duty to say to you, whoever you are reading this post, that “they” are in error.

You (whoever you think you are) are significant, immensely so; as am I and as is everyone who has ever lived, or ever will live. Do not let those cynical and deluded creatures grind you down into any other perspective, because it is a lie.

You are alive, right here and right now, and believe it or not your life counts.

Everything you do, everything you say, even what you think, feel or choose to believe counts.

*****

Who and What you are is wonderful, beautiful, and extra-ordinary. You have amazing potential and the power to move Heaven and Earth at your disposal!

******

So do not look to “them” for the solutions for the future.

It is “we the people” who have the solutions for the future, and we have them in our minds, eyes, ears, mouths, hands and hearts right here and right now.

So, knowing this begs only one question for me.

What will I do, here and now, to help ensure a legacy of love for our collective progeny?

I will do whatever I can, and I will do it to the best of my ability. What I won’t do is surrender to the silly notion that I must be paid meaningless promissory notes and tokens for it. The more I focus on helping others the more benefit there will be for everyone to spread around, myself included.

My over inflated and insecure ego and I are not the issue.

My desire, or perceived need, for safety or comfort are not the issue.

The issues are Progeny, Legacy, and LOVE.

*******

Love Courage and Strength to you all,

A

Back from the Living Dead…

(The Joys of Childhood?)

I had an interesting childhood.

I enjoyed every minute of it, even the ones that hurt like hell at the time.

I know that may sound oxymoronic, and maybe it is. I certainly didn't look like I was enjoying myself throughout all those long dark nights of the soulless. Yet revelled in it I did, and struggled and fought and resisted viciously any notion of growing up. I wanted to stay in that child like state forever and woe betides any fool who tried to tell me there was a need to change; to mature.

Of course the childhood I am talking about here has lasted 40 years and to be fair it isn't quite over yet. However now, finally, I am seeing at long last not only the need to change, to grow up as it were, but also the wondrous things out there, as well as inside of me, that are available for anyone to learn and enjoy if they will let go of their childlike assumptions about “reality” and egotistical motives for behaving in predictably harmful ways.

*****

I have a problem with anger.

I have a bit of a temper on me.

I can be a bit nasty at times.

It is absurd really the way I have shook my puny little fists at the Heavens all these years; the pathetic and powerless rage of an infant in the face of calm adult certainty; the naïve refusal to accept change, to accept the Inevitable.

One thing that has been making me angry of late is this relentless and persistent effort from certain other corners of Humanity to resist the Inevitable.

“Fascists!” I have cried out at them.

“Evil hearted fools!” I have condemned them as.

“Zombie people!” I have judged them to be.

Well, maybe there was some truth in those rants or maybe not, but the more I watch the skies these days and the more I focus Inwards, as well as Outwards, to learn and enjoy those wondrous things I mentioned before, the more obvious and apparent it becomes to me what exactly I am seeing in the behaviour of these people.

Children enjoying their toys.

Children who do not want, or see any need, to grow up.

Immature minds in denial that are determined to resist the winds of change no matter what it costs them, or anyone else!

*****

“For when I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.”

Now I am becoming, at long last, a mature human; that is to say a truly sentient being and so I am putting those childish notions and ways behind me. Slowly for sure, but I am doing it.

*******

Do you have faith in Humanity, or in God or in Yourself? Good because I feel sure you are going to need it. However, remember that a day is coming when faith will be swallowed up in sight.

Do you have hope for a better tomorrow? Good, I believe hope is what keeps us all going and I know from experience that without it we seek only death and oblivion. However, remember that a day is coming when all our hopes will be realised in actuality.

Do you have Love?

Ah, Love……

…. “for even if we can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and even if we have faith enough to move mountains but have no Love, we are NOTHING.”

Yes you are right, these are not my words but I repeat them here because I for one am certain that the time for those inevitable changes to occur is almost upon us and the thing we will need most of all when those changes arrive is Love.

*******

I believe it is self evident that we are right now, as I write this and as you read it, moving into a new epoch of Humanities history, of Humanities here and now. I also believe it will be a time when the Truth will finally become self evident.

The truth that change cannot be avoided or prevented.

The truth that we are all One.

One with each other,

One with our world,

One with the Infinite,

One with the Inevitable.

“One Universe, One People.”

So for now these three remain: faith hope and love.

What is Eternal, Perennial and Undeniable (by anyone other than a petulant child that is) is LOVE.

“Every eye to thesky” folks!

;-)

Love, Courage and Strength to you all,

A

(All biblical quotes from N.I.V. Biblica Inc 1984. Emphasis mine. Other quotations from Disclosure Project. No copyright infringement intended.)

Back from the Living Dead…

(Whatever Happened to the Hippies?)

I've been asking myself the above question for a long time. It seems to me that the world was just about to wake up back in the sixties, but then something happened. Something went wrong. Was it Vietnam? Korea? Was it “The Threat of Communism” or the "Rise of Capitalism"? Was it simply the inevitable death throes of the Piscean Age? I do not know; maybe a combination of these and other factors. However, here in the UK by the time I was born (in ’72) the youth culture (which is after all the culture that determines the shape of things to come) had begun evolving into a kind of anarchy which, although I have related to for many years, (being a little bit of a “Vivian” as well as something of a “Neil”) yet was not really anarchy as I now understand it.

For me (as a sometime punk, sometime hippy) anarchy is about much more than just doing whatever the hell you like with no regard to cause and effect or consequences.

That is called chaos!

No, for me anarchy is really about the total lack of any need for leaders in society. This of course can only be realised if and when we reach a collective point in our social and individual development that allows us to see clearly what is the most loving and most creative thing to do at any point in time, and then to actually want to do just that!

I am coming to realise that the only way this can happen is by revolution!

However, I am not talking here about storming parliament and lining the ones with the perceived power up against the wall and murdering them in the name of freedom and justice; as tempting a reaction that may be to the spinelessness and self serving dis-ingenuousness we see almost everywhere  in politics these days. No, as I have stated in an earlier post we cannot beat “them” at their own power games, and whichever side you think you are on once you start “killing in the name of…” then all you really achieve is to transform yourself into a killer whilst increasing the levels of death and grief in the world; thus Darkening the World within as well as the World without. That is no solution to the pain and anguish, or the fear and anger I see occurring in every corner of our Globe today. That “Us and Them” mentality is part of the problem!

The revolution I am talking about is a revolution of Consciousness, a realisation of our intrinsic Oneness. What we the people urgently need is the kind of psycho-spiritual revolution that is fuelled by a determined, fearless and honest searching of our inner selves. We need to engage in a radical and bold reaching inwards so as to discover the truth about what is inside of Us as well as What is really “out there”!

I am not saying it will be easy.

I am not saying it will be safe.

(Knowing this world as I do I do not doubt that some of us will be persecuted for our desire for Truth and Freedom and Universal Oneness. I am sad to confess that I do not doubt many of us will be violently attacked, maybe even killed for it! If we are serious about it that is, and not just playing in the shallows!

Yes, I dare say there will be blood involved in any such revolution after all, however peaceful and benign our intent. As a species we do seem to be obsessed with the stuff, and unable to effect any real changes to our condition without spilling it! We may well think ourselves much more “civilised” than the ancients and the non-Christianised world because we do not slit the throats of bulls and goats any more or burn folk in wicker-men. However, we are all wilfully complacent about the oceans of blood being sacrificed daily in the name of Power and Money and in the name of that diabolical triumvirate of Oil, Coal and Gas; blood that is being offered by the countless millions of gallons to the household gods of “convenience” and “comfort”.)

What I am saying though is that we need to do it regardless of how hard or dangerous it may become.

Why? How is it my responsibility? After all, I am not any-ones brothers’ keeper, am I?

I’ll tell you why, because if each of us do not take on the challenge of understanding and mastering the darkness within Us, then it will be a matter of time before People Everywhere on Our Globe will be lost confused and afraid as we find ourselves surrounded by nothing but a deathly darkness that none of us understands or are able to master.

I know, I know, depressing stuff right?

So maybe you should ignore what I am saying and go back to watching the news at 10, or that soap you like. Maybe those disingenuous power addicts we all love to hate are the ones you should be listening to? After all, being told that you must be afraid, that you must conform to expectations, that there is nothing you can do to make a difference; this makes a lot more sense than what I am saying, right?

*****

Some clever bloke on YouTube recently asked, in response to one of my angrier comments, the rhetorical question as to what would happen if our country suddenly found itself engaged in a civil war. As his question was clearly meant to be rhetorical I chose not to answer, but it seems a rather silly question to me. What would happen? A lot of folk would suffer and die needlessly, of course. A lot of families would be avoidably devastated by grief.

Rivers of blood would run in our streets.

These are the inevitable results that always happen when people go to war, regardless of where, when or why!

The question I prefer to ponder, and would ask you all to focus the awesome power of your imaginations on, is what would happen if today we ALL, everywhere on this planet, began asking ourselves not what we can do to change the World, but what can we do to change Ourselves.

I believe we may find that in a very short time we would all be living in Paradise.

So, where did the hippies all go? We never went anywhere mate. We are all around you. It’s just that some of us need reminding who and what we are now and then!

Love Courage and Strength to you all,

A

Hello again!

I have put together a small collection of my poetry here for you to enjoy (or otherwise)!

To be honest, I think poetry is the language I write best, but I'd be glad to know what you think?

Much Love Courage and Strength to you all.

*

Love

Show me love O God of all time,

For if I am yours love should be mine.

I have been loved yet did not know,

Spoke of a love I could not show.

I've claimed to understand the meaning of the scriptures,

That speaks of love the greatest force that perseveres and victors.

I've spoken preached and stamped my feet,

At those who would not hear,

I never noticed love's sweet hand,

Keen to support me there.

I've spat at slapped and smacked at love,

Mistaking it for hate.

I've known the pain of losing love,

Whilst knowing it too late.

Now Holy God of Mercy,

Hear my desperate plea,

Open up my heart to love,

Pour some of it in me.

**

Hidden in the Aetha(net)

Potential existences

Seeds of the Tree,

Long lost chances

Perceptions of me.

More mental jottings

On one more blank page,

When are we all plotting

To burst into rage?

All of our antics

Distractions from life,

All the semantics

Causing the strife.

Who has a clue?

What needs to change?

Should I obey you?

Can we stop?

 Rearrange?

The bargains we've made

The things we cut loose,

The victims of hate

When hate can't call a truce.

So none of it matters

To Us any more?

Our Love lay in tatters

Yeah You know the score.

My love can be fickle

I don't trust it much

I do love the tickle

Of Loves gentle touch.

Nothing is certain

Except how we feel.

Nothing that’s knowable

Can ever be real.

***

Odd Conversations

Blah Blah Blah,

Natter natter.

Nah nah nah,

Does it matter?

Your point of view.

My point of view.

Reaching common ground.

Seeing things as you do.

Understanding...

Acceptance...

Respect...

Love...

...Blah blah blah,

Natter natter.

Ha ha ha,

Does it matter?

*******

Namaste.

A

(with gratitude and respect to Carlos Castaneda. No copyright infringement intended!)

Advice from an Ascended Master

Your death is so close you could touch it with your hand.

Nothing manifest exists for real.

No theory or belief explains what people feel.

Back from the Living Dead…

(Rock Bottom)

It was two Christmases before the one we've just had when I tried to kill myself.

Of all the low places I have managed to sink to during the course of my life, this was without doubt the lowest. I had run out of internal resources completely. Events in my life, consequences of my actions, the seemingly hopeless failure of all my relationships and the inability to see any future other than a continuing downward spiral of despair and personal slavery all conspired to “break the camels back” so to speak.

I made the attempt in the most obvious way for me. I was still taking about 80mls a day of Methadone Hydrochloride back then, and was trusted enough to pick it up weekly. This gave me access on that particular day to over half a litre of Methadone. Okay, so I have a natural resilience to narcotic effects (I know this now) and obviously I had a tolerance level built up over many years of daily use. That all said however, the amount of alcohol I had consumed, topped off with this half litre of Methadone, really should have been enough to kill anyone, or pretty much anything!

At least that was what I believed as I drank the whole syrupy, sickly green cocktail down my throat.

I remember writing out my classically deranged “suicide note”. (I still have it among my many scribblings, a constant reminder.)

I remember thinking to myself “Are you going to regret this? You are going to die now you know?”

I could come up with no answer, just a kind of peaceful, but sad resignation of failure. I couldn't see a way forward worth taking. I had reached the end of the line, and so I gave up on myself, my family, my friends and my life…..

….I gave up on Hope….and I gave up on Love.

I recall vaguely that I ended up talking to someone from the Samaritans. I would not tell them where I was. I did not want rescuing from it; I just didn't want to die alone. That poor woman on the other end must have felt so helpless as she listened to me making less and less sense, and becoming less and less responsive until I….simply faded……………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………….out…………………………completely………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..!

*****

…..I came to in my chair I don’t know how many hours later. I was a bit groggy and a bit nauseous. I think I threw up a bit, but otherwise I was fairly okay really! I got myself an ambulance just to be sure. I got myself checked over at the hospital. A psychiatrist chatted to me (an experience which always either annoys or amuses me on some level) bless her.

I then began my arduous and determined climb back into the world of Humanity.

******

You may often hear some folk talk to you about their conversion experience to this belief system or another. They will say things along the lines of “you have to reach rock bottom”. I've said it myself in the past (even on this blog) and in my Christian days I truly believed that I had reached that place already.

I hadn't.

The place I reached back in ’91, in a Lincoln prison cell, when I discovered the “Reality” of Yeshua was really just a foretaste of things to come. I had to travel yet darker and more diabolical roads before I really came to my senses. I had to plumb the depth of despair to find hope again. (This may say something about my learning abilities, or lack of them!)

*******

What I am trying to say may sound very clichéd, and perhaps it is. Clichés do not become clichés without good reason after all.

My message today is really for any one who is trying to hold on to hope in the face of a loved ones self destructive addictions. Because I didn't think I was going to make it. My mother (who is one of my greatest inspirations in life) didn't think I was going to make it either, she told me as much quite recently. Nobody who knew me had much hope, and I for one do not blame them. I have been a seemingly hopeless case for as long as I can remember.

We all have to walk the roads we have to walk I guess; getting to whatever destination we get to by whatever means we can. As I have mentioned in an earlier post I do not feel sure that I chose this road at all. It feels now, looking back, as if this road chose me. However, I am not saying I recommend that anyone else should follow in my steps, because if you do you may not be as fortunate as me.

I could list many names here of people no different to myself in any way who were not as fortunate and are no longer with us in this physical plane.

But hope continues to fight on in this world. Even some of the addicts who are no longer walking amongst us are still influencing people. Nothing is wasted. For an example; I am continually inspired and uplifted by, among others, the creativity of Amy Winehouse. For me, from my perspective, she has not died at all. She is still singing truth and honesty and love into my ears whenever I want her to, and although the addict you’re concerned for, or grieving over, may not be as talented or impressive an individual as Amy Winehouse certainly is, yet I firmly believe that nothing in this life is ever wasted. Energy cannot be destroyed, only converted into another form, and I for one get a charge of energy, hope, encouragement and self belief whenever I listen to the music, poetry, literature, philosophy, social satire or mysticism of any number of dead addicts from down the ages.

So am I saying to you not to give up hope? Yes. No. I am not sure really, because if I had clung on to hope, refusing to surrender the possibility that I could be strong enough to dig myself out of the hole I had dug myself into, then I really would never have reached “rock bottom” and so I never would have cried out with all that I am…..

…..”God, have mercy on me, a sinner”.

Love Courage and Strength to you all,

A

Power Junkies Using Up the World

Two football fans face each other,

Across a globe shaped pitch,

Both support their favourite team,

As if they are bewitched,

One wears stars and stripes,

The other sports a crescent,

With snarls and growls so immature,

They are equally unpleasant.

These fans both love to cheer their team,

Until such time does pass,

When both decide their counterpart,

Is a pain in their cute arse,

Both opine their team is best,

Mock and ridicule the other,

Until it all becomes a mess,

With brother fighting brother.

Then red dyes all their clothes,

Their hair,

Their streets,

Then red’s the only colour...

...Never can you change a mind,

That is certain it is right,

When can we all learn to opine,

Without a bloody fight?

An apology, long overdue…..

Before I begin writing my post for this week there is something very important, and a little bit personal, that I would like to say here to all the fellow users of you-tube, face-book and yahoo that I have been interacting with over the last few years. Too many folk to mention all by name or affiliation, but if you are reading this then you surely know who you are.

I am very sorry for some of my comments to you people. I have been looking back over a few of them and cringing with embarrassment!

What an arrogant and over-inflated ego I have. Really, it is shocking! I do not however make any apology for honestly expressing my opinion, as surely that is the whole point of social networks right? However, the brutality and ego-centric manner in which I often express myself can be very offensive at times and for that I do apologise. You may, of course, call me whatever names you choose and place them in the comments section. I will choose not to be offended.

They will not be deleted unless any offended third parties ask me to (and no my evil twin does not count as a third party because clearly he and I are one!)

;-)

Okay, now for my post…..

Back from the Living Dead….

(Integration)

There is a lot of concern and a lot of tension in our beautiful land and among our multi-faceted and no less beautiful people right now. I hear it all the time you know; “they come over here taking our jobs”….. “they don’t want to live with us, they keep themselves to themselves”….. “bloody Muslim rag heads, they just want to kill decent folk, and what have we ever done to them eh?” (I mean come on, are you really that naïve?)….and other such mantras of ignorance.

Is there any truth to these statements?

Well, I cannot claim to have walked every square mile of these magical and mythological islands, but I have given it a bold and impressive effort over the years, especially when you consider that I have done so for the most part on the limited resources of a twice weekly giro cheque, and with the extra baggage of a gibbering anthropomorphic monkey on my shoulders!

That said I stand by my one-time statement (on yahoo I think) that there are, as far as I am concerned, no “no go” areas for me in my own homeland. Sure there are areas that can be a bit scary, a bit intimidating perhaps, but why so?

Is it because the majority of people there do not look like me? Do not pray or talk or sing or play like I do? Is it because I am afraid of being outnumbered by people whose language, culture, and motivation in life I do not know or understand?

So then, instead of allowing fear to dictate my actions and the conditions of my existence (coward!) why not instead seek understanding? Chat to people, get to know them, learn about their culture, their language, their life goals.

Whilst you are at it, it may not be a bad idea to learn a bit more about your own too, especially if you hope to do any teaching along the way!

Because the simple truth I see is that all this tension and hatred boils down to one pitiful and despicable human characteristic. Fear.

We fear what we do not understand. In this we are just like every other animal and beast on this Good Earth; and yet are we not more than beasts?

Have we not any other nature that compliments and contains our animalistic one?

For fear is the offspring of ignorance and although overcoming fear can be a very difficult and occasionally impossible task; yet to overcome ignorance requires only one thing…..

….a willingness to learn.

Love Courage and Strength to you all,

A

People, people, people; Put Down your Guns for Goodness Sake!

Seems like everywhere I turn there is news of more atrocities and needless violence these days. In Pakistan it is seemingly out of control, in the USA it is equally so.

I just want to say to anyone out there on this troubled Globe who has lost a loved one to this recent wave of violence, you have my wholehearted compassion and hopes for a better tomorrow.

Personally I feel that when a person resorts to such violence it is because they have reached the limit of their intelligence and imagination and can therefore conjure up no other solution to the inadequacies of their ego and their emotional state.

Here is a thought, you may well think it naive or simplistic but I urge you to try it anyway.....

Next time you feel the blood rising and the anger swelling inside of you (that increasing tumesence of rage that can fill your consciousness to the point where it drives out all other feelings, all other sense. Oh yes, I know it and I know it well!) instead of grabbing hold of your weapon of choice and increasing the pain and anguish we all feel in the face of needless and avoidable death or injury; why not try taking a breath and asking yourself one or two simple questions?

If the shoe was on the other foot, what would you hope to happen?

If that person or those people you are so angry with were your own children or siblings, spouse or parents; how would you deal with it?

....Because they are you know?

We are all somebodies children, siblings spouse or parents. We all feel pain and frustration and rage just as keenly as each other. We all share similar hopes and dreams for the future, and the same anguish if we should see those hopes dashed against an unreasonable shore, if we know it or not.

And we ALL BLEED RED whatever the colour of our skin or of our flag!

So come on people, for the Love of God, put down the guns eh? Please?

Thank you.

Love Courage and Strength to you all,

A