What did 2015 teach you?

Hello my readers and happy 2016 to you all. May it bring Peace and Plenty for us all.

I have been thinking about the last year and what 2015 has taught me about myself, about life, about the meaning of being human.

Top of the list is the realisation that I am not as wise as I like to think I am. That I often speak or act without thinking things through properly or considering fully the potential consequences for others of my words or my actions. This is something I really need to work on in myself. It can be reckless and it can be destructive.

I have learnt that I am often very gullible. That I tend to trust people even when the small voice inside my heart tells me I should not, that I should be wary of giving this or that person my trust. That sometimes the people you call your friends are anything but, and sometimes the people you don't call at all are the best friends you ever had.

I have learnt that I am very far from the kind of self mastery that I seek. That my struggle with addictive behaviours and self indulgent consumption continues to challenge my existence, and probably always will.

I have learnt that I am extremely unstable with regard to my moods and my feelings about life and about myself. I swing constantly from being ultra optimistic and positive in my outlook to very dark and bleak and doom-laden. I suspect that I may be bi-polar, although I have refrained from seeking any kind of diagnosis as I have no real faith in the world of "mental health" treatment and the apocalyptic horseman of pestilence behind it that is "big pharma".

I have learnt that I need to love and be loved, just like everyone else, but I am not very good at it. I am not very good at close relationships and tend to put some people off me with my tendency towards introspection and to always go deep with insights and emotions. The flip side of that however is very positive in that deep and sincere people tend to like me and I make friends easy, I think because they can sense that I am sincere and emotionally honest, so they know where they stand with me. My heart is always very much on my sleeve and my intentions are very much an open book for all to read.

I have learnt that I stand firmly and resolutely with Mahatma Ghandi when he said "There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no cause that I am prepared to kill for."

I have had the realisations of these past few years (since the great awakening of 2012) reaffirmed, challenged, and reaffirmed again. I know now without any doubt (insofar as anyone can actually "know" anything) that our planet is being watched and visited by off world intelligence, and that these people from elsewhere are very involved and invested in our spiritual and societal development.

I have learnt all over again just how extraordinary and magical it is to be alive, here and now, on this world, at this moment. That every sensation, physical and emotional, is a wonder and a miracle.

I have learnt that it is always wise to turn off your mobile phone before attempting any kind of meditation or devotional practise!

Most of all I have learnt that I am very far from being alone. That this world is full of beautiful people who are highly evolved and awake to the subtle realities of life on Earth, and in the wider Universal reality, and I am humbled and grateful for all of the amazing peaceful warriors I have met and come to know this last twelve months. If you are reading this then you know who you are, and I thank you for being my friend. You do me great honour.

I have learnt also that there is one aspect to this human condition that does not sit comfortable with me. That is the potential and tendency to be a passive observer of  the abuse, mistreatment and suffering of others.

I have a memory from childhood that has been on my mind lately. I was very young, maybe 6 or 7, and was with my parents in the town of Spalding, in Lincolnshire. A small crowd had gathered in this one spot and my parents went to investigate why, and as I had hold of my Dads hand I of course went with them. What had drawn this impromptu crowd of passive observers was an act of violence. Two men were in an alley and one of them was kicking the living shit out of the other. Violence was not something I had any experience of at that age, thankfully, and I remember being profoundly disturbed by the encounter, but the thing I recall disturbing me most was that nobody in that crowd was doing or saying anything to stop the violence. They just stood there, watching. I say this not to criticise anyone as I imagine that the folk there were, like my dear parents, gentle folk who were as disturbed and probably felt as powerless to intervene as I did at that tender age. However, the memory stuck with me of thinking very clearly "why is nobody helping him?" and of feeling a huge desire to shout and run towards the two men and try to stop it. I didn't of course. I was an infant and I was afraid. However, that question stays with me to this day and influences much that I do in life, and inspires many of those aforementioned bleak and dark feelings and episodes.

"Why is nobody helping him?"

"Why are we all just standing here, watching this unfold?"

"Why, when it clearly disturbs us to witness such suffering and such abusive invasion of another person, don't we intervene?"

"What does it mean to be a human being, in a world of hurt, abuse and violence. Why do we comply with it, condone it, or turn a blind eye to it when we know deep in the core of ourselves that it is wrong, that it shouldn't be happening?"

I have made many bad choices in the course of my life and done many things of which I am ashamed. Moments when I have been the "abuser", moments when I have been the "passive observer" and moments when I have turned my face, hardened my heart and pretended I could not see what was happening, or that it did not concern me. There have also been one or two moments when I have done what felt like the right thing to do, and stepped in to prevent or end some injustice from occurring. Yet if I had that golden opportunity to "turn back the clock" and do just one thing different, I would go back to that moment and I would make such a clamour, cause such a scene, that the people there would be unable to stand passively observing and would be forced to act, to intervene.

Knowing this about myself is probably the greatest inspiration in my life.

May 2016 bring you and those you love, and indeed all of us here on planet Earth (and elsewhere) peace and plenty, and may life give Love, Strength and Courage to us all.